Jesus said:' what God has joined together, let no one separate.’ - Mark 10:9
Friends, by this time most of you will know I’m a dad to a five year old girl called ‘Amelie’. I mention her in every other sermon, and look I’m at it again! I think it’s fair to say—and I know many parents will echo this—that becoming a mum or a dad is a life-changing experience. Timings vary, but usually within a week of birth—if not a lot quicker—parents are head-over-heels for their new baby. It took me no more than about thirty seconds—thirty seconds worrying about Natalie—and I already knew I would love Amelie forever. It is no different for God except His love for us starts even before we’re born. Jesus’ love for us is forever and from forever. The amazing truth of the Christian Faith is that God loves us, full stop. It doesn’t matter what we do or where we go, God loves us end of story. When we choose to follow Him we choose to try to act like Him, and a God who loves us forever asks us to love Him and others forever too. Sometimes loving like that is easy. Sometimes loving like that is hard. God knows that personally, for rather than stop loving us, Jesus literally died for us. Loving others forever, just like God-in-Jesus loves us, that’s the call for those who have chosen to follow Jesus. Today, as we focus in on our Gospel reading (Mark 10:2-16) we find a concrete way in which that loving another forever works out.
Jesus is getting quizzed from all sides. The people who are doing it are generally not actually after the answer, no they just want Jesus to agree with them. In today’s Gospel some religious leaders are trying to get Jesus to sign up to their way of thinking about marriage. These religious folk have noted that God through Moses made it possible for folks to divorce easily, and therefore they go through the procedure routinely and simply. They said, ‘Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.’ God gave His people the possibility of divorce so that in the worst situations someone would not be forced to stay in an impossible situation. What these religious leaders have done though is turn the exception into a quick and easy way out in almost any situation. Some men—and back then it was pretty much always men—would get rid of their wives and replace them almost like changing their phone contract. This terrible practice left women massively vulnerable, penniless and, often, alone. Jesus—who loves these abandoned women—won’t let these religious leaders get away with it. He says: ‘It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law, [those who are married] are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate’. Marriage isn’t made to be broken, it’s made to be a permanent, lifelong partnership. Love is forever—whether it’s Jesus’ love for us, or our love for other people—that’s one of the hard parts of following God.
One of the understandings we have in our family is if we make a promise we stick to it. If I promise Amelie that I will go in and give her a hug before I go to sleep then I go in and give her a hug even if I’m already in bed myself. If I say she can have videos after she’s tidied up then she gets videos even if that makes her late for bed. What we promise we try to deliver. The principle works the other way too, by the way. If I tell her she will lose her toy if she keeps messing around, then she loses her toy if she messes around again. The principle is simple: ‘We keep our promises’; I’m sure you have something similar in your house. Knowing that we keep our promises means that we can trust each other—means that Amelie can trust me—and from that trust the rest of our relationship, the rest of our life is built. Even more importantly for Amelie, and for Natalie and I, is the promise I made when Natalie and I got married. I said I would love Natalie—Amelie’s mum—until the end of my life no matter what. I didn’t say I would love her if she loved me. I didn’t say I would love her as long as she stayed thin. I didn’t say I would love her as long as she agrees with me. There were no clauses, there were no ‘ifs,’ I would love her end-of-story. That wasn’t a promise of romantic feelings—if you’re not married those go quite quickly afterwards—no, I promised to love her by my actions for the rest of my life. Jesus loves me forever and he asks me to do the same to my wife, and as a Christian I try to keep my promises. Now, that doesn’t mean we have the perfect relationship; marriage might be a one of the most beautiful things in the world but it is also one of the hardest. So, yes that have been times when we’ve, in effect, said: ‘This isn’t working’. I guess, as many of you will know better than me, it’s what you do from there—from saying ‘it’s not working’—that makes all the difference. Today, it seems too many people say: ‘This isn’t working… so let’s give up.’ Jesus tells us, in today’s Gospel that that is the wrong next step. The right next step is ‘This isn’t working… but I’m not leaving so how can we make it better?’ Divorce, the breaking of one of our most important promises damages everyone involved. It doesn’t just damage the couple, it damages the wider family as well. That’s why, because He loves us, God is so clear, so black and white—even harsh sounding—in our Gospel reading: ‘what God has joined together, let no one separate’.
Natalie and I moved here in May 2019 and within three months Amelie was born. You know they say the three most stressful things in life is moving house, starting a new job, and having a baby; boy, did we time it wrong! However, what this church of St George’s did—which was so powerful—was they provided food for us for the first few weeks of Amelie’s life. Having a new baby is hard and it makes all the difference in the world to have had a community around us to help. The same stands true for marriage. One of the wonderful parts of living in Chorley is so many families live where they grew up and so have grandparents around. I know plenty of grandparents in this church who take the kids so mum and dad can have time together. In order to stay married, husband and wife need time just for them, they need to talk things through, work things out, and just be a couple. To say, in effect: ‘This isn’t working… but I’m not leaving so how can we make it better?’ A community—a church—which is trying to follow Jesus—and thus values marriage—must be a place where we help couples to spend time on their own; where, when a couple is going through a difficult time, some of us come alongside them and help them out. It might be a beer down the pub, it might be the offer of babysitting, it might even be the offer a place to stay so that there is space for the couple to work things out. If we’re going to follow Jesus we should not just value our own marriages but, where appropriate, in supportive ways, help others’ marriages too. They say it takes a village to raise a child, it also takes a village to save a marriage.
Ok, now we understand the principle, now we’ve got the importance of marriage and now we’ve seen how we must help each other, we get on to the important question of exceptions. Hopefully, we can see why these exceptions are a last resort, why Christians have been and are opposed—like Jesus—to divorce just becoming routine. However, having understood that principle, it’s important to say a word about the most difficult cases. Life just isn’t rosy all the time and maybe there are some here going through hell right now. In Mark’s short, pithy Gospel, you’ll have noticed no exceptions are mentioned. However, when in Matthew’s Gospel there is more room then Jesus gives the exception: ‘except for sexual unfaithfulness’. I think as we reflect deeply on the Scriptures we can add another: when abuse of some kind is taking place, whether physical, sexual, or psychological. If you are in a relationship which is abusive—either for you or for your children—then it is absolutely right to step away. Sometimes people have stayed in abusive relationships because of misunderstanding passages like this and that isn’t what God is asking. God is not asking you—or someone you know—to stay in an abusive relationship; and if that is you this morning, please do come and speak to me or to the Safeguarding lead, Victoria (her photo and contact details are on the poster at the back of church), or speak to someone you trust and ask for help. In the Gospel Jesus is giving us the principle about the importance of marriage and how we are not to undervalue it; Jesus is not, however, saying that there is no way out for anyone even if they’re being abused.
The other night Amelie said to me: ‘Daddy do you love me even when you shout at me?’ ‘Yes, darling, even when I shout at you’ I quickly answered. You know the same is true for Jesus. Jesus loves us always and forever, even when we go the other way. No marriage is perfect—mine isn’t—and there will be people here today who have been through a divorce. Maybe you’re the victim, maybe not, but let me end by saying this: God loves you regardless of what you’ve done. Nothing, no sin, or mistake can stop Him loving you, He loves you forever, that’s the promise He made and God always keeps His promises! So, if you’ve struggled with this teaching—if just hearing the Gospel read was hard to listen to—remember that God loves you and does not turn away from you whatever has happened in your past relationships. St George’s lets follow our Saviour; yes, by valuing our marriages, yes, by being supportive of others, but also by helping those who have been through the relationship-mill and come out the other side. Jesus loves us forever! Let’s be a community which shows that to the world by loving others in the same way. Amen (from Fr Mike).